Last week, I panicked when I saw seven scooters lined up outside of a restaurant on the ship of a Caribbean cruise sponsored by the Parkinson Research Foundation. I suddenly realized that the drivers of these scooters most likely had Parkinson’s Disease, some at advanced levels, and all had mobility issues and needed these devices to get around.
I had flashbacks about a night 15 years ago when my husband, Tom, and I unknowingly stumbled into a young onset Parkinson’s support group meeting. People arrived at this meeting on foot, while others arrived with walkers, canes, walking sticks, scooters, wheelchairs, and one was even wheeled in by stretcher. I wondered if this was what the people with young onset Parkinson’s looked like, what must those with late-onset look like? I wanted no part of any onset Parkinson’s and left the meeting during the break. Tom and I had nightmares for three consecutive nights. Thus the origin of my scooters and other assorted (walkers, canes, walking sticks, wheelchairs, stretchers) phobias.
Obviously it’s not the scooters that I’m afraid of! The real issue is what does using a scooter or other assistive device represent to me.
It represents my fear of living with Parkinson’s if I lose my mobility.
It represents my fear of losing my independence.
It represents my fear of dying with Parkinson’s.
What does fear look like?
What does fear feel like?
But how can I not be afraid?
