I’ve grown weary of whining about it. I’m tired of trying to fix it. I’m frustrated trying to understand it. I have no adequate words to describe it. It is gradually chipping away at my self-confidence. I hate burdening my family and friends with my complaints about it. I no longer want to make excuses for it. It is time to stop feeling sorry for myself about it. I’ve been preoccupied and plagued by it far too long.
“It” is my Voice. It has been described as quiet, hoarse, raspy, breathy, strangled, slurred, whispery, unintelligible, strained, weak, lacking expression, monotone, and other adjectives too numerous and hurtful to remember.
My voice problem started more than 20 years ago and pre-dated my diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease (PD) 17 years ago. As much as I’d like to blame all of my voice problems on PD, I can’t, but PD and Deep Brain Stimulation have definitely worsened my voice. After more than 75 speech and voice therapy sessions in the past 20 years as well as 3 vocal cord surgeries, I must accept the possibility that this is as good as it gets with my voice.
I’ve been able to solve most of the problems in my life with a lot of hard work and finding the right human guide or teacher to help me along the way. I’ve frowned on those who have given up their problems to God without trying everything humanly possible to solve them.
In order to make peace with my voice, I will likely need to rely on God’s help. Acceptance of my voice as it is does not mean that I am giving up on it. Instead of putting my life on hold waiting for my voice to improve, I am focusing my energy on my strengths and moving on with my life.